I've been thinking about death recently - not in a paint my fingernails black and read a lot of Sylvia Plath kind of way - but in a way that has really led to a lot of thinking about my own perspective of death. I think that it is our natural human tendency to be afraid of it, to dread the day that it comes to you or those whom you love. And to some extent, this is ok and normal...but if our 'citizenship is of heaven' and if we are in Christ Jesus, we need not fear death.
It is our experiences, however, that influence our perceptions of death. For me, I lost all four of my grandparents fairly young and literally watched all of them die in one way or another. My grandparents on my mom's side both fought cancer for years, only to have it take their lives after much suffering and pain. My grandparents on my father's side died within 24 hours of each other when I was 22 years old. My grandmother died in front of me as my mom and I performed CPR on her. I have had numerous friends die in car accidents, several commit suicide and one in high school die after a 7 year fight with leukemia. Death has always frightened me - and with good reason. From my perspective, it's ugly - it robs people of life and robs us of relationship with them. However, I feel my thoughts towards death changing. I still don't like it - but I am allowing God to heal the things that have influenced how I view death. He's teaching me a lot, too. It's not necessarily something new - it's just sinking in because of how He is touching the places in me that need to be healed.
I guess I should back up and explain why the subject of death has been on my mind. (for those of you who are about to send in the men in white coats...) Death took three people in the last few months who were very dear to me:
HAZEL PARKER:
Hazel is to blame for my competitive nature...well, I can't give her total credit because I think it is genetic...but Hazel was the one who first got me to love competition. I was six - and my mom dragged me, kicking and screaming, away from my Barbies - to try out for the track team at Hazel Parker Playground. Hazel had raised my mom and my mom was ready for Hazel's influence in my life. After much protesting, I gave in and lined up for the 50 yard dash. When the whistle blew, I took off and left everyone in my dust. As I approached Hazel and her clipboard, she was smiling, her eyes were twinkling and she said, "I know who you are. You are Gail's daughter." Something about those words comforted me and at that moment, I knew that I belonged with Hazel. I spent every afternoon after school of the next I-don't-know-how-many-years at the playground with Hazel. Whether we were sipping cold coca-colas or whipping up on other playgrounds in kickball, basketball, tball, etc...we were with Hazel. She was always teaching us, always loving us. Hazel taught us how to win and how to love doing so. But she also taught us the lessons in losing and how to do so graciously. Bad manners and bad attitudes were not welcome in Hazel's presence - if you were dumb enough to mouth off or have a bad attitude around Hazel, you were only dumb enough once. Her correction and discipline was swift and fierce - but equal to that (plus more) was her love for us. And we loved her in return. Hazel died Saturday, February 19th at 88 and 364 days. Read her obituary
here. Her life was a picture of service and love. I cannot adequately express what having her in my life meant to me, nor can I begin to imagine what life would have been like without her.
EVANS TOWNSEND
aka 'uncle EV'
(translation: 'uncle Ibb)
Evans Townsend was a legend. Really. If you've lived in the Charleston area for more than 20 year, you'd recognize him as the guy in the old Oldsmobile commercials with the thick gullah accent saying '88-88??' To me, he was just my Uncle Ev - the funniest guy I ever knew (other than his brother, my grandfather). When I was little, I was afraid of him because I couldn't understand him - his accent was so thick. But as I grew up, nothing gave me more pleasure than to just sit and listen to him talk. He had the best stories - and such wisdom. He loved to tell me 'Ah-lizabet, tuhday is yo day. whun ya wake up in da mornin and put ya feet on da flo you gotta say to yuhself "dis is muh day. ain't yo's. ain't his. ain't hers. it's muh day. an den ya get up go get dat day.'
If I had a nickel for every time he told me this, I'd be a rich woman...but it never got old.
On the morning of April 5th, the world lost one of the most interesting, entertaining men. Our times around the fire at Rockville will never be the same. The bourbon companies have lost one of their most faithful customers. Uncle Ev made our lives rich - I am forever grateful that he was a part of mine.
BRADLEY COKER:
Never in my life have I met someone else like Bradley Coker. To say that this world lost a remarkable human being would be a ridiculous understatement. Bradley was one of those unique individuals who could love you, challenge you, encourage you, etc...just by looking into your eyes. He carried with him the presence of Jesus. I never had an encounter with Bradley that I wasn't grateful for. Even now, words fail me as I try to articulate what he meant to me and to this world.
Bradley's death was sudden - and in all of our minds, too soon. He was 34 years old. One moment he was playing basketball and the next his heart had stopped and he was gone. I will never forget the moment that I learned of his death - it was about 10pm and I was lying in bed, trying to recover from a horrible case of strep throat and tonsillitis. My friend texted me 'Bradley Coker just died.' It was one of those moments where nothing makes sense. What? How? WHY? WHY? How on earth could it be his time to go? He had so much in front of him - so much he was living for. I really didn't understand. My initial reaction was to be angry...to tell God that He got it wrong on this one. Bradley was not supposed to die. What about his wife? What about his family? What about all the things that You had called him to?This was the moment that He decided to teach me a thing or two...
But death is not final. As Jesus said to Mary and Martha at the tomb of Lazarus,
'I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?'
I have realized that God is asking me this same question: do you believe this? I think that my answer has been that I believe it in my head but I do not have a heart understanding of it and thus, my perception of death has not been accurate. I believe that God has been showing me that death, viewed through the lens of eternity, is quite remarkable. Beautiful even. Because if Jesus IS the resurrection and the life, that means that He conquered death. That means that He rescues us from death. That means that when death comes to get us, Jesus is right there, meeting it head on and cutting it off at the pass. And what that means is that heaven is present in that moment. I think back to that moment with my grandmother as she lay dying on the floor: heaven was there. Jesus was there in that room with us in the midst of our anguish, leading my precious Mama into the loving arms of her Creator...into LIFE ETERNAL.
And the good news is that He does that for all of us...
As I have said goodbye in my heart to Hazel, Uncle Ev, and Bradley, I do so with a new perspective on that which took them from this life. I do so with a confidence in Him who took them from death.
