'I had a dream my life would be...'

Last weekend was the annual  St. Andrew's women's retreat on Hilton Head. As always, it was a fabulous time. Lots of fun, lots of laughs, lots of tears. Being a part of the St. Andrew's community has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. Just about everything I learned about living in community and loving with the heart of Jesus I learned from being a part of the St. Andrew's family. I'd say that the biggest challenge of this past year has been how to function without the community of people that I have grown to love on the deepest of levels.
This year, the women's retreat, albeit wonderful - was different for me. I was an attendee from another place. For the first time in 5 years, I had no responsibilities, no leadership role to fulfill. Man, was that different. The hardest part, however, was leaving. As we wrapped up, all of my friends packed up and headed 2 hours north and I went 2 hours in the opposite direction. It just felt so...well, if I'm honest...wrong. I literally spent the next 3 days figuring out how I could follow my dreams in Florida but live in South Carolina. Guess what? That can't be done. (BUMMER).
The 'theme' of the weekend was 'Fearless' and our speaker did a fabulous job challenging us to look at our lives and how we are/are not living into what God has called us to. One of the most memorable moments of the weekend was when we watched this clip:


I dreamed a dream - Susan Boyle from Phuc Mai on Vimeo.
I've seen this a billion times but there was something about being in a room full of women who were confronting their fears and lost dreams that made it one of the most powerful moments of the weekend. It was as if we were all watching it for the first time, cheering Susan on as she chased a dream that up until that moment, everyone had written off. Our group of ladies were captivated by what unfolded and by the end of Susan's performance, many of us were in tears, many of us were on our feet and everyone was cheering. It was a real turning point in the weekend...a real stake in the ground where things began to wake up in the hearts of my sisters around me. It's amazing how quickly we can lose hope. All odds were against Susan when she walked out on that stage. What if she had received all that judgement and chosen not to sing?
What I am most challenged by is that I, regrettably, am no different from anyone else in that audience. I cannot say that my reaction to her would have been any different. That makes me incredibly sad. How are we so conditioned to look at someone and make such ugly and condemning assumptions about them? It really made me wonder about how many people I have had the opportunity to encourage but didn't -- how many people were influenced by my judgement of them and subsequently did not go after something that was in their heart of hearts to pursue. I'd like to think that I don't have quite that much power and influence over people but I do. We all do. When I was in the 3rd grade, my very large and angry music teacher told me I couldn't sing and I never pursued music again after that day because I was sure she knew what she was talking about. I'm not saying I'd be on Broadway today had she not said what she did but I do believe a bit of my confidence was bruised that day - and it just goes to show how careful we have to be with the people in our lives. I know I was convicted about how well I love people. I feel like I love some people well but there's a whole lot of room for improvement. What's the point of any of this if I am not loving everyone around me like Jesus would?

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails...

 ...¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. 

But the greatest of these is love.

I was challenged recently to insert 'Liz Bailey' in place of 'love' and boy was that a wake up call. I am SOME of those things SOME of the time but I certainly fall short MOST of the time. My prayer is that I would be so bound to the heart, mind, and spirit of Jesus that I would be ALL of these things to ALL people ALL the time. Now that's a dream worth chasing...